Who is signing me up for this?

    OK, I admit, I like to play scrabble, I enjoy doing crossword puzzles, I'm a "cautious" driver and I take my medications in a MTWTF pill box.  According to Adam, these habits are things that "old people" do. I defend these things because I am not old, nor should enjoying scrabble, reading, and crossword puzzles be labeled as such.

  Unfortunately, others must be fully aware of my hobbies as well because I'm receiving things in the mail about being a senior now. 

  I received this in the mail today:

   While it's nice someone is thinking of me for benefits, I am NOT a senior.  And you can cancel the AARP magazine while you're at it! 

Waterbeds and such

   When two people merge into a marriage, you also merge all of your belongings into one space.  While Adam and I quickly got rid of his sloping black leather couch and nasty, decrepit, covered in salsa stains 80's recliner that came apart in two pieces (that he amazingly got $75 for on Craigslist!), we have somehow hung on to his "this end up" furniture from when he was 3 years old and my bedroom dressers from when I was 13. 

   Coincidentally, my old bed was ruined in a tragic loss at a storage unit several years ago when I moved from college back to my hometown.  There had been a small hurricane which sprung a leak in the roof, creating moving day morning at 6am a fun treat and surprise for me and my dad, who was helping me move at the time.  Moldy mattress anyone?  ugh.  So I ended up getting a new bed and mattress and box springs that day!  Well, I ordered it anyway, my beautiful sleigh bed didn't show up for 14 weeks!!!!! I guess now we know why Rhodes Furniture went bankrupt and out of business. 

   Unfortunately, the storage unit disaster didn't even touch my 17-year-old dresser, chest of drawers, mirror and night stand.  I remember picking this furniture out like it was yesterday!  Being the youngest in the family, I had all hand me down furniture and nothing matched.  Apparently, I was OCD even back then, because the non-matching furniture really REALLY bothered me.  So I ended up getting a beautiful, Charleston gate like, iron cast, hunter green daybed, with matching pop-up trundle of course.  The furniture that matched was briefly used and returned to the furniture store because whomever bought it had a dog that chewed a few of the edges of the drawers. I remember my Dad negotiating a special price and then the furniture was all mine! I remember the pieces had a matching queen sized bed, but we didn't get that, as I already had my daybed.  

  There is a reason that our tastes change from when we are teenagers into adulthood. There are no words to describe the hideousness that is this furniture to me now.  Adam despises it; as he should, considering he's a grown man stuffing his socks and t-shirts into a 13 year old girl's dresser.  The furniture isn't white, but rather a creamy, off-white shabby chic, if you will.  It has a beautiful stenciling of a floral design and scrolls on each outer edge.  Wait.   I'll just take a picture and show you.  Before I show you though, in my defense, I once babysat for a family who had this EXACT SAME FURNITURE (including the fancy queen sized bed to match) in their master bedroom.

Behold... the dresser in all it's glory!!

Notice the fancy scroll, ribbon and rose motif. 

Adam really can't stand these ribbon details on the side.  I think its a wee bit too feminine for him. 

Where the previous owner had some bite issues, or perhaps it was some s&m party into biting? Or misplaced vampire?  I guess we'll never know. 

    Needless to say, Adam and I are looking for new bedroom furniture.  Did you know Paula Deen has furniture?  It's at Infinger Furniture in Goose Creek.  It's actually really pretty, but also a bit pricey. Also, I'll never be able to go back in that store again because after I told Adam my parents had a king sized water bed back in the 80s/90s, he found it to be hilarious to ask, "Where are your waterbeds?" to the sales lady when we walked in.  He acted dead serious too, I had to tell her we were kidding.  I'm sure my face was bright red.  I live in the Creek, so I feel comfortable saying this, but I'm actually quite shocked that they DIDN'T have waterbeds. HAHAHA

   Of course, he was just kidding, we've found our perfect bedroom furniture and now we're patiently waiting for it all to go on sale soon. 

  Until then, I guess we'll have to just keep living in the a teenage girl's room.  At least I don't have a WHAM! or Madonna poster taped to the wall. 












 

"Mulch ado about Nothing!"

I feel like it has been way too long since I last wrote on my blog! I must update everyone on all of my goings on the past few weeks. You know I like to keep you up to the minute informed of my randomness. While spring is finally starting to be in the air, so is pollen, ragweed and freshly cut grass. So far, I haven't lost my voice, but its just a matter of time! I lose my voice every April, but maybe not this April! Adam has been working out in the yard, mulching it up, planting banana trees and "what nots"*. Since I'm the killer of all plants, I let that be his territory. I do better with things like sweeping up the tracked in mulch and wiping up Beau's slobber. Here is the banana tree that Adam is so proud of:


Alright, according to my wedding planner countdown thingy, I have exactly 172 days to go before the wedding, where I have to squeeze into my dress that fit me perfectly last September. Me? Scared it won't fit? Never!! ok, maybe just a teensy weensy little bit that the zipper might snap off of me during the ceremony, exposing my little 'something blue' to every single person I know!

I have started working out. I'll give you a moment to digest that. Laugh it up! My mom actually laughed at me on the phone when I told her I attempted to jog; she exclaimed, "you run like a girl!".

Maybe that's because I AM a girl, Mom!!!!!

I read somewhere that Kate Winslet uses her Wii Fit to get in shape, so I've been logging on to mine as well. I must say, I've really come a long way according to the Wii! When I used to step on the board, it would say, "ooi", now it exclaims, "great!!". I'm really loving the advanced step aerobics. I've given up on the jogging for now and have decided that walking Beau, our 92 pound beast, around the block is enough for me to handle in one day.
I ask you, how easy is it to try and do ab work if you have this standing over you, drooling in your face?

ps. actual photo taken today while doing crunches. I swear!


Speaking of wedding stuff, I have a fabulous, wonderful, can't say enough wonderful things about her wedding planner!! She's organizing the wedding plans for me the weekend of the wedding. Her name is Tanis Jackson (if you need info., please email me or leave a comment). Tanis came to the salon the other day to go to lunch and look over a few plans for the wedding. This is where I discovered her knack for organizing brides, penchant for creative ideas and most importantly, her skilled knowledge in kicking ass and taking names. She's trained in security, which she assures me will come in handy, and BOY will it!! My mother is invited and my parents haven't been in the same room together since their bitter divorce in 1998**. I feel ever confident that Tanis can take her down if need be.

Unfortunately, when Tanis came to the salon, she needed to ride with me to the restaurant across the street. My palms became clammy, my forehead began to sweat, immediately I became panicked! As most of you know, I lead a very clean, organized, orderly life at work, in the home, etc. However, in my car during this exact day was not the case. I have been driving all over town, eating, doing God knows what in this Ford...and now someone wants to ride in it! There was no "straightening" before she got in the vehicle, I just had to face the facts. You see, I ate my breakfast on the way to work the morning before and....




I left the rotting banana peel in the car!!!! OMG!!! And how embarrassed was I? I think I may have even blushed when she said, "oh, it smells so, um, tropical in here!".

Oh sweet Jesus!! PLEASE let it be the Yankee Candle car freshner*** that's 6 months old dangling from the visor that she's smelling!! Shore Breeze smells "tropical" doesn't it? Luckily, she made no mention of the peel and is still as fabulous as always! Also? *so shamed* I forgot to take the peel out until I went to Jiffy Lube yesterday to get my oil changed....they threw it away for me. ****


I also forgot to mention my Hoppy Easter! My sister and I always give each other a hollow chocolate bunny, the great bunny exchange! I try to find the biggest, funniest or ugliest bunny to give her as a gag gift each Easter. This year, she really outdid herself. Meanwhile, I haven't even gotten her one yet, I am soo slack! Anywho, she left this poor little Cottontail outdoors, in the Charleston sun, in her car while we ate Easter brunch and well...



Now Cottontail is a "solid" milk chocolate bunny for Easter. *shakes head* It was the funniest thing ever!!!!

Anywho, "Celebrity Apprentice" is calling my name and I need to go see who Joan Rivers is going to beat up on tonight!

xoxo, Becca

* "what nots" are not a flower, at least, not that I'm aware of.

** Should I note that they hate each other? I'm seriously afraid for other people's safety at this event.


*** Those damn things smell great, but do NOT last long enough! hmph!

**** Which they f-ing should have, considering how much it cost me there!

public peeing, volume 2.

Today I made a nice little trip to the mall and ventured into Belk while I was there. First off, who shops in the Women's Department anyway? The clothing in there is so depressing! Its the ugliest stuff I have ever seen, its like, they MAKE them high water pants on purpose. And don't get me started on the amount of coral shirts and ugly navy and red plaid pants. Yuck. Yuck. Yuckity. Yuck!

I drank way too much sprite before my shopping trip and needed to find a restroom quickly. I noticed another woman looking in the same direction, so I follow her into the ladies room. I was the youngest one in there by at LEAST 40 years. It was so cute, all these women out shopping at Belk for the day. I aspire to be one of those ladies. haha

Anywho, as we're waiting in line, there was an opened stall door just waiting to be taken. Lady number 1 - standing in front of me- explains that its "handicapped", and since she's not handicapped, she won't be using it. Lady number 2 (standing behind me), says..well, go on in, it won't hurt anything! Lady number 1 walks in the stall and quickly returns, someone previously had not flushed. Lady number 2, struts in the stall, flushes. *waits* Flushes again. *gives us an update that it did not correctly flush and then gives it another go* OOH YEAH!! It flushed! So she offers the stall to Lady number 1, just incase, and when she still declines, finally decides to go.

I FINALLY make it into a stall of mine own. I, like most of my fellow women, sanitize the toilet seat as best I can with a wad of toilet paper, inspecting any area that may be "damp" from the previous toileter. I then, very gingerly, pull out two strips of grainy, rough, one ply toilet paper to place over the toilet seat, just incase the first cleansing wasn't good enough. I then, proceed to sit, pee, and... WAIT JUST A MINUTE! *FLUSH* The toilet flushed on its own! Excuse me! I was not ready for *FLUSH!* it did it again!! I was still sitting! Water splashing everywhere... oh God help me! I finally get up, walk out and I've STILL made it out quicker than Lady 1 and Lady 2. I think I know when to flush by myself, thank you very much! I do not need a machine to "anticipate" the flush for me!

I try to get out of the stall. I turn the lever for the lock. I can't get it open!!!! OMG, I'm going to get stuck in this stall for-ev-er! OK, whew, just a blonde day, I twisted when I should have slid the lock.

I then go to wash my hands. Which, can I just say, I hate to do in public restrooms! I would rather take my chances and just use antibactierial soap. But because there were two older ladies in there that reminded me of my Mema, I HAD to wash them. My hands still smell like icky Belk public restroom soap. yuck.

And men wonder why it takes us so long in the restroom!

Splishin' and a Splashin' (otherwise known as, "Embarassing Moments", volume 1)

My mother decided to visit me at work yesterday out of the blue to inform me of her latest drama, but that's a whole different story that...TRUST ME, you don't want me to get into right now. I will, however, go into what she did while at my office.

I work at a very nice salon & spa, with a spa area in the back. Its very peaceful and we try to treat all of our clients as if they were to "feel at home". Well, apparently my mother took this literally because upon her arrival into the separate spa area, she went to "tinkle" in the bathroom....sans door closed! That's right, my mother peed. AT. MY. WORK. with the door wide open! I didn't shut it right away b/c I wasn't sure if anyone would walk back there, until Allison (our lovely massage therapist) popped back in the spa before her next appointment arrived. In a panic, I quickly laughed it off that my mom likes to pee with the door open and luckily Allison answered back,with a nervous chuckle I might add, "oh that's ok, we have an 'open door' policy in my home too!".

*FLUSH*

My mom washes her hands and walks out like she didn't just go pee in a public restroom with the door open. And in a splish, splash, it was over.

Then she follows up her public peeing episode, which I'm pretty sure you can get arrested for in some countries, with the fact that she's possibly moving down the street from me.

Someone pinch me, I need to wake up!!!!

Until next time, "if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie", my mom had this on a plaque when we were growing up! hahaha