dank je wel, from the ostrich whisperer

    I recently went on a trip with my husband, Adam and our friends, Kim & Tyler, to the beautiful island of Curaçao.  I fell in love with the island during an "International House Hunters" episode several years ago and was ecstatic when Kim & Tyler invited us to go with them to a house they rented. The island is Dutch and since I've always wanted to go to the Netherlands (I LOVE tulips!) I was so happy to at least be close to the culture. 

Curaçao's "Rainbow Row" downtown

  
   On the trip, we discovered a place called The Ostrich Farm.  It is the second largest ostrich  farm outside of Africa.  I really didn't know that much about an ostrich before we went to the farm and took a tour. My friend, Kim, had heard from one of her friends that you can actually ride an ostrich.  I thought it could be fun, but let's wait and see before signing on the dotted line. 

   During the tour, our guide never really tried to "sell" us on an ostrich ride, he casually mentioned it and then drove forward.  I thought this was odd, but maybe the "sale" got lost in translation because English was definitely not his first language.  We got to the end of the tour and he still had only brought it up once, so I asked how often someone gets hurt riding an ostrich?  He casually mentioned that a guy once broke his arm because he was screaming and lifting his hand up in the hair like an idiot.  Ok, so if a drunk guy can do it, this girl certainly can.  We had ridden all this way and I realized that if I didn't do it, I'd regret it and most likely never have the chance again.  Let's ride the ostrich!!!! Besides, if THIS guy can make it look this fun, then it HAS to be easy! Look at how he's smiling, what a fun time he must have having. 

   Kim and I pay the extra cash to ride the ostrich.  Let's run down the facts we've just learned about these creatures during the tour, shall we?

* Ostriches are 400+ lbs (I was feeling slightly bad about their little legs holding me up before, but after hearing this, I am reassured they can hold me up)
* They can run up to 50mph.  (Really? Who knew these things were so fast!! Surely they will have the ostrich we ride leashed and harnessed for our ride! Safety first, I say!)
* They can kill their enemies with just one powerful, yet simply kick of their funny looking legs.  (Ok, but we're riding an OLD ostrich that probably, most likely, won't do this, right?)
* When taken out of their holding pens, they actually run right back into it.  I'm not sure why, but the guide did say, "Smart they are not."

   We have to sign a waiver while we wait for the guys to come around with a truck.  The waiver is your basic, standard, "we will realize this is stupid, dangerous and could cause major bodily harm and/or death, but I won't hold you accountable at all" type document. I hesitated for a moment, but I press onward. I even think Adam was impressed by my ability to block out the fact that someone broke an arm doing this previously. 

   About 15 minutes later, a beat up truck drives around to pick us up.  The guys ride along because we need someone to document photos that this actually happened, plus I'm pretty sure they didn't want to miss this.  When we pull over to the lonely ostrich in his pen, (we named him Oliver the ostrich), he looks feathery and cute! My heart is starting to beat fast though so I volunteer to go first because I'm afraid if I see Kim go first, I may lose my nerve.  This was a strategic mistake. Kim had already seen someone on youtube ride the ostrich, therefore, she had some knowledge about what was getting ready to go down, whereas, I went in completely blind; after all Oliver was going blind too with a sock over his head! We'd be comrades in no time!  I'm not sure it was my best idea. 
  But why am I typing when I could be sharing photos? They really tell the whole story. 

  

Here I am feeding the ostriches during the tour.  Couldn't help buttering them up first, right?

The two guys didn't speak much English and I basically put my life into their hands.  You want me to jump on?!  Also, just a side note, the ostrich has to wear a sock over it's head not because it's about to be tortured, but because if not, it will run back into it's holding pen right away.  

 Here I'm thinking, "What a cute little ostrich! His feathers feel slightly prickly, but aww, he's so cute!" The guys instruct me as best they could to "HOLD THE WINGS!" - I should have realized their shouting meant to hold on tight and not because they didn't think I understood them.  Looking back, I should have clenched harder. 

   Here, I'm trying to look comfortable, even though it feels as though I'm sitting on a large, bony, yet feathery egg.  I want a good photo though, so I try and smile!  I like how Kim is being a supportive friend, not laughing at my awkward pose at all! HAHA Just kidding.  I realize how ridiculous I look and would be laughing at myself, if only I weren't completely terrified at this exact moment.     What happens next I was not prepared for at all.  The Oliver the ostrich decides it is time for him to find his home, so he takes off.  I realize that it was probably only at 12mph, but I swear those two guys running along side of us are Kenyans and that the bird was flying at LEAST 30mph.  But why am I writing this when I can show you?

 What was that about not screaming? I felt like I was in one of those old Charmin commercials where kids padded their butts with toilet paper rolls.  Oliver was clearly displeased as well with me on his back.  His bony legs were rubbing on me back and forth that I have a war bruise to prove. 

  

    As you can see from the blurriness of the photo, Oliver and I were moving like my dad's Corvette on the Autobahn; I was also catching flies, lots and lots of flies. My whole body was slinging to the left, then to the right.  The guys helping me yell, "SLIDE BACK!!! SLIDE BACK!!!", but all I heard is wind and the sound of my own screaming. Side note: I may, or may not have been screaming expletives.  Will refer to video for more on that later. When I did scoot back, it created my back to be an overall "hump", while still stretching my arms as far forward as possible to grab hold of Oliver's wings.  I hate that my posture looks horrible in the photos, but at the time I could have cared less as long as I didn't fall off. 

  

As you can see, Oliver doesn't like to run straight, but more like a jiggity, jaggedy, zig, zag pattern. He weaved and bobbed. I had a quick thought that I could briefly let go and grab hold of his neck, but remembered the tour guide saying that it would not be a good idea. I thought I was going to rip his wings off! I was concerned at first about his wings ripping off, but when he started running faster, I decided to hell with him.  Also, the next tour got to witness this ride (perhaps this is why we were the first to volunteer to do this for a while).  

Thank you Lord Jesus - the ride is over! I had asked the guys to get me down, but they laughed.  No really, I don't want to pose for a photo, get me off this thing!!!! 

 

  

Here I am, still "scooted back", but clinging on for dear life on his wings. I like how Oliver's face is semi-smiley too! I'm smiling because I am thrilled to still be alive. 

I tried to be polite and kept saying, "I'd like to get down now please".  

  
   To get off the bird, I fell back into one of the guy's arms and he peeled me off.  My thighs were clinging on so hard and my hands were hanging on tight with the wings that when I got off the bird, I was shaking. Needless to say, I won't be riding an ostrich again anytime soon.  I get to scratch something off my bucket list (it wasn't on there, but it will be now!).  I also had a little hive-y thigh afterwards, apparently I have a small allergy from ostrich feathers.  Just a small price to pay to ride an ostrich. 

So, as silly as I may have looked (btw, Kim looked like a pro riding it!), I have bragging rights for the rest of my life and video/photos to prove it! 

  

Also, if you're thinking of doing this, make sure to wear long pants, perhaps padded, and hold on tight! 

xoxo, 

The Ostrich Whisperer

 aka, Becca