My eye is on FIRE!

     Before telling you this story, I must preface with the fact that 1.  I have Crohn's Disease and therefore can't eat spicy foods, in fact - the blander, the better.  2. Even if I COULD eat spicy food, I wouldn't.  3. I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband and I really do thank God everyday that he's in my life, he really is  my soulmate.

    Now, back to the story.  After church yesterday, Adam and I contemplated what we'd eat for lunch.  He has been on a grilled cheese kick lately and if he's making me lunch, I'm not complaining nor am I going to be picky.  I ran to change out of my church clothes into something comfy when I hear him yelling that I'm low on cheddar cheese.  We were trying to avoid a trip to the grocery store so I said to make the sandwich smaller. He suggested I eat some of his cheese (with all of my dietary restrictions, we have separate foods).  His cheese was pepper jack, which I knew would be spicy, but really, how spicy could it be? I tried a small bite.  Wow. No. I'll eat plain bread before eating that. No thank you. Water. I need water!


    Last night, Adam was grilling mahi mahi for tacos for him and just plain salmon for me. Bland, just sea salt, lime and a sprinkling of Mrs. Dash salmon for me.  Adam eats peppers with every meal.  Every. Single. Meal. The hotter the sauce, salsa, pepper and food, the better for him. He has a spice in the cabinet called Ghost Pepper Sea Salt. I'm scared to even touch the container that some of it might get on my hands.  I'm fairly certain his taste buds have long been burned off from actually tasting anything. I often wonder  if he still has the lining to his stomach.  To him, my bland food tastes are horrible.  To me, his spicy food could potentially cause death. Adam also would eat tacos every single day if allowed.

Said no Adam ever.

   
    I watched Adam slicing up peppers, onion and an avocado last night while I did some work on the computer.  During which time, Adam must have touched the remote control for the tv and have part of a jalapeno on his finger.  I then changed the channel (Yankees vs. Brewers).  About 12 minutes later, Adam suggested we go for a walk with the dogs and then....... OMG! I must have touched my eye with the juice of the jalapeno!  (sang to Alicia Keys - "My eye was on fiiiirrrrreee!!").  I was screaming in pain.  Where was the eye flush station they'd have in science class?!?! 

     Needless to say, my eye made a full recovery, but it was touch and go for about 3 whole minutes.  I now have developed an irrational fear of jalapenos. 

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

    Hi all! I just got back from a trip to Ft. Lauderdale, FL with two girlfriends (Kim & Meike) for a conference.  This was my very first time flying without my husband, the traveling/airport/flying expert.  In fact, he travels so much for work that the dogs and I sometimes forget he lives here (just kidding). 

   I had a little trepidation about flying solo, even though my friends were there, I wanted to seem confident on what to do all by myself.  You know, fake it 'til you make it sort of thing.  I got myself checked in at Delta without an issue. $25 for a piece of checked luggage? Fine.  I wouldn't need to check luggage if I didn't have so many hair products that were over 3oz of liquid.  And yes, my 1 allowed ziplock airline regulated bag is STUFFED full of liquids under 3oz, including: Purell, chapstick (is that a liquid?), a teeny tiny bottle of hairspray, and toothpaste. I never flew before the regulation, so I guess it's best to not know how it was flying "back in the day". 

 
   When we got on our first flight, the first thing I noticed was that people were ordering alcoholic drinks right away, as soon as they could order. I assumed this was either because they are:
1.  Afraid to fly, 2. On vacation and want to start drinking as soon as possible 3. Just plain alcoholics.
Either way, does flying give you a pass to day drink as early as humanly possible? Adam and I have been on flights as early as 7am and people were drinking.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging, I'm just impressed by your ability to get drunk on a 45 minute flight and still make your connecting flight in ATL without ending up in the wrong terminal.  I would be passed out and never make it off the plane. 

   The first leg of the trip, I sat at a window seat next to an older man making his trip to Omaha, NE.  He
entertained me for a bit with a story about his "vacation" with his wife to visit friends in Colombia.  At first I thought, why would someone visit Columbia for a week's vacation? But when he said they flew into Bogota, I got it. He described this "vacation" as a week long trip to see long lost friends that lived near the Amazon River. They were excited to sleep in beds with nets (this was to keep bugs and the huge tarantulas away), without any electricity until 3-5pm everyday when everyone charged their cell phones. 
    I'm pretty sure he just described my own little pit of hell.  Any bed that requires a net saving you from gigantic spiders, snakes and who knows what else, does not a vacation make. He wife needs a medal or at least a small trophy for surviving that trip.  Needless to say, I told him I rode an ostrich on my last vacation and therefore, I was too cool to speak to him. j/k He read some John Grisham book and I delved into the luxurious Sky Mall Magazine.

    Sky Mall has EVERYTHING! And at 50,000ft. everything is super interesting!  I am obsessed with the iPad paintbrush (I'm not sure what I would paint or what app I would even need, but for only $49.99, I can paint a masterpiece!)

I don't see Adam carrying this at all.  First of all, Beau would be a pain in the butt to drag at 120lbs.  And at $95, I'm not sure why you wouldn't just put your dog on the leash and walk him? 

And for only $29.95

Maybe I should have shown the guy seated next to me so that he'd know he should have been afraid of the tarantulas.  *shivers* On the other hand, the t-shirt is in App State colors. Go Mountaineers!


    By the time we made it to ATL, we literally had about 10 minutes to make our next flight. My friend Kim and I were practically running and made it!  I turned around to ask where is Meike and she had texted me she was stopping for a crepe. I've never had a crepe, but it looked delicious!  We made it onto the flight and Meike got upgraded to a fancier seated section with her crepe.  Kim and I were on the LAST row on the plane, next to the bano.  The flight attendant said she'd thought we were trouble.  Perhaps.  And trust, there would have been trouble if we didn't get our free pretzels because I was "hangry". 

   Our flights back were exhausting and we were just ready to come home. I started reading a book by Beth Harbison, When in Doubt, Add Butter, a delicious chick lit easy read.  Although I have to say, if you're reading it make sure you have a snack handy because the main character describes her meals a lot and you're likely to get hungry. 

    The last flight was so turbulent we didn't even get a drink or snack! I sat next to a pilot and since he wasn't panicking, I wasn't going to either.  Am I the only one that likes that stomach drop feeling?

    Of course there is a lot of other stuff that happened on the trip, but I'll have to tack that on to another blog another day.  Time for dinner.

   Also? Sky mall has this available for $1999  - I'm thinking about getting it for Adam for our 5th anniversary.  5 Year traditional gift is wood, so it would be appropriate.  And who wouldn't want a life size growling grizzly bear? 

Until - we meet again .... ciao!  xoxo, Becca

"Airline food is the tiniest food I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get — chicken, steak, anything — has grill marks on each side, like somehow we’ll actually believe there’s an open-flame grill in the front of the plane" .Ellen de Generes

dank je wel, from the ostrich whisperer

    I recently went on a trip with my husband, Adam and our friends, Kim & Tyler, to the beautiful island of Curaçao.  I fell in love with the island during an "International House Hunters" episode several years ago and was ecstatic when Kim & Tyler invited us to go with them to a house they rented. The island is Dutch and since I've always wanted to go to the Netherlands (I LOVE tulips!) I was so happy to at least be close to the culture. 

Curaçao's "Rainbow Row" downtown

  
   On the trip, we discovered a place called The Ostrich Farm.  It is the second largest ostrich  farm outside of Africa.  I really didn't know that much about an ostrich before we went to the farm and took a tour. My friend, Kim, had heard from one of her friends that you can actually ride an ostrich.  I thought it could be fun, but let's wait and see before signing on the dotted line. 

   During the tour, our guide never really tried to "sell" us on an ostrich ride, he casually mentioned it and then drove forward.  I thought this was odd, but maybe the "sale" got lost in translation because English was definitely not his first language.  We got to the end of the tour and he still had only brought it up once, so I asked how often someone gets hurt riding an ostrich?  He casually mentioned that a guy once broke his arm because he was screaming and lifting his hand up in the hair like an idiot.  Ok, so if a drunk guy can do it, this girl certainly can.  We had ridden all this way and I realized that if I didn't do it, I'd regret it and most likely never have the chance again.  Let's ride the ostrich!!!! Besides, if THIS guy can make it look this fun, then it HAS to be easy! Look at how he's smiling, what a fun time he must have having. 

   Kim and I pay the extra cash to ride the ostrich.  Let's run down the facts we've just learned about these creatures during the tour, shall we?

* Ostriches are 400+ lbs (I was feeling slightly bad about their little legs holding me up before, but after hearing this, I am reassured they can hold me up)
* They can run up to 50mph.  (Really? Who knew these things were so fast!! Surely they will have the ostrich we ride leashed and harnessed for our ride! Safety first, I say!)
* They can kill their enemies with just one powerful, yet simply kick of their funny looking legs.  (Ok, but we're riding an OLD ostrich that probably, most likely, won't do this, right?)
* When taken out of their holding pens, they actually run right back into it.  I'm not sure why, but the guide did say, "Smart they are not."

   We have to sign a waiver while we wait for the guys to come around with a truck.  The waiver is your basic, standard, "we will realize this is stupid, dangerous and could cause major bodily harm and/or death, but I won't hold you accountable at all" type document. I hesitated for a moment, but I press onward. I even think Adam was impressed by my ability to block out the fact that someone broke an arm doing this previously. 

   About 15 minutes later, a beat up truck drives around to pick us up.  The guys ride along because we need someone to document photos that this actually happened, plus I'm pretty sure they didn't want to miss this.  When we pull over to the lonely ostrich in his pen, (we named him Oliver the ostrich), he looks feathery and cute! My heart is starting to beat fast though so I volunteer to go first because I'm afraid if I see Kim go first, I may lose my nerve.  This was a strategic mistake. Kim had already seen someone on youtube ride the ostrich, therefore, she had some knowledge about what was getting ready to go down, whereas, I went in completely blind; after all Oliver was going blind too with a sock over his head! We'd be comrades in no time!  I'm not sure it was my best idea. 
  But why am I typing when I could be sharing photos? They really tell the whole story. 

  

Here I am feeding the ostriches during the tour.  Couldn't help buttering them up first, right?

The two guys didn't speak much English and I basically put my life into their hands.  You want me to jump on?!  Also, just a side note, the ostrich has to wear a sock over it's head not because it's about to be tortured, but because if not, it will run back into it's holding pen right away.  

 Here I'm thinking, "What a cute little ostrich! His feathers feel slightly prickly, but aww, he's so cute!" The guys instruct me as best they could to "HOLD THE WINGS!" - I should have realized their shouting meant to hold on tight and not because they didn't think I understood them.  Looking back, I should have clenched harder. 

   Here, I'm trying to look comfortable, even though it feels as though I'm sitting on a large, bony, yet feathery egg.  I want a good photo though, so I try and smile!  I like how Kim is being a supportive friend, not laughing at my awkward pose at all! HAHA Just kidding.  I realize how ridiculous I look and would be laughing at myself, if only I weren't completely terrified at this exact moment.     What happens next I was not prepared for at all.  The Oliver the ostrich decides it is time for him to find his home, so he takes off.  I realize that it was probably only at 12mph, but I swear those two guys running along side of us are Kenyans and that the bird was flying at LEAST 30mph.  But why am I writing this when I can show you?

 What was that about not screaming? I felt like I was in one of those old Charmin commercials where kids padded their butts with toilet paper rolls.  Oliver was clearly displeased as well with me on his back.  His bony legs were rubbing on me back and forth that I have a war bruise to prove. 

  

    As you can see from the blurriness of the photo, Oliver and I were moving like my dad's Corvette on the Autobahn; I was also catching flies, lots and lots of flies. My whole body was slinging to the left, then to the right.  The guys helping me yell, "SLIDE BACK!!! SLIDE BACK!!!", but all I heard is wind and the sound of my own screaming. Side note: I may, or may not have been screaming expletives.  Will refer to video for more on that later. When I did scoot back, it created my back to be an overall "hump", while still stretching my arms as far forward as possible to grab hold of Oliver's wings.  I hate that my posture looks horrible in the photos, but at the time I could have cared less as long as I didn't fall off. 

  

As you can see, Oliver doesn't like to run straight, but more like a jiggity, jaggedy, zig, zag pattern. He weaved and bobbed. I had a quick thought that I could briefly let go and grab hold of his neck, but remembered the tour guide saying that it would not be a good idea. I thought I was going to rip his wings off! I was concerned at first about his wings ripping off, but when he started running faster, I decided to hell with him.  Also, the next tour got to witness this ride (perhaps this is why we were the first to volunteer to do this for a while).  

Thank you Lord Jesus - the ride is over! I had asked the guys to get me down, but they laughed.  No really, I don't want to pose for a photo, get me off this thing!!!! 

 

  

Here I am, still "scooted back", but clinging on for dear life on his wings. I like how Oliver's face is semi-smiley too! I'm smiling because I am thrilled to still be alive. 

I tried to be polite and kept saying, "I'd like to get down now please".  

  
   To get off the bird, I fell back into one of the guy's arms and he peeled me off.  My thighs were clinging on so hard and my hands were hanging on tight with the wings that when I got off the bird, I was shaking. Needless to say, I won't be riding an ostrich again anytime soon.  I get to scratch something off my bucket list (it wasn't on there, but it will be now!).  I also had a little hive-y thigh afterwards, apparently I have a small allergy from ostrich feathers.  Just a small price to pay to ride an ostrich. 

So, as silly as I may have looked (btw, Kim looked like a pro riding it!), I have bragging rights for the rest of my life and video/photos to prove it! 

  

Also, if you're thinking of doing this, make sure to wear long pants, perhaps padded, and hold on tight! 

xoxo, 

The Ostrich Whisperer

 aka, Becca

  

Is that on your diet?

  I spoke to my mom today, we usually have short, meaningless conversations about nothing or just about her.  If it's kept light and short, no arguments break out and we can keep the imaginary "peace" we have.  Anywho, just to give you some insight into our conversations, I thought I'd share with you our most recent:

Me:  Hey! Just wanted to call and let you know when/where /details about our upcoming vacation. 
Mom: OOOH! Are  y'all going alone? What dates? OOH, near your dad's birthday, so y'all are all going down there together?
Me: Um, no. We're going with friends, you don't know them, but yes, we come back near Dad's birthday.  
Mom: We got wings last night for dinner and we're having Italian tonight.
Mom: I've lost 5lbs on the Medifast diet I'm doing!
Me: That's great, you weigh less than me now, you should start working out - you'll be amazed at how much you could tone
*rustling on other end of phone*
Me: What is that noise Mom? 
Mom: Oh, we got a new freezer, I'm cleaning the old one out.  We just bought ice cream, gotta put it away.  
Me: Are ice cream, wings and Italian food approved for this diet you're on? Seems pretty lenient if you ask me. 
Mom:  I am taking a few days off from it, I'll start back Monday. 
Me:*hits hand to head* Well, let me tell you about how I auditioned for a play this week...
Mom: OH, That's *enter friend's name here*, I've got to go! Love you, bye!

  xoxo, B

Being an adult

   When you're 12 years old, 18 feels so old!  I recently had a client come into the spa who is a junior in high school. The older I get the harder it gets to tell what age kids are now.  It is funny how things change and how after you turn 30, 18 years old seems so young.  If I could go into a time machine and travel back to the late 90s, I would tell myself to not worry so much.  Of course, I would tell myself that now too; I'll let you know how that works out for me. 

   I bring this up because last night after work I went to the store to pick up a few things for breakfast this morning and something sweet to snack on later.   I randomly got a basket full of bottled seltzer water, cheese, breakfast items and Little Debbie zebra cakes.  Somewhere my friend and personal trainer, Tina, is crying.  haha  Listen, I love my sweets, I eat right most of the time and when I want to eat food that's horrible for me, I accept the consequences. 
    I get to the check out and everything rings through except the Little Debbie snack cakes I was trying to buy.  There was a line piling up behind me and I was so embarrassed!  I took it as a sign I shouldn't buy the snack cakes, but I was already there and now I was craving them, so I pressed on.  Knowing I had nothing else sweet to snack on in the house didn't  help either.  The woman scans, scans again, punches it in, someone comes over to help her, and I am getting more and more embarrassed about my juvenile purchase.  Finally she gets it punched in correctly and I got out of there quickly. 

    When I got home I told Adam how embarrassed I was about the whole thing and he said, "It's not like you were buying condoms."  Good point. I compared it to buying tampons when I was 20 years old. I remember the exact same thing happening to me and someone that knew me came up behind me in line too, trying to chat with me.  I was mortified.
   Now, I don't care. I guess I'm more concerned about how people perceive my eating habits than my monthly menstrual cycle? haha And honestly, don't those two usually go together anyway?

  
   xoxo,
  B

Happy New Year!

  This isn't another blog about profound reflections on the last year and all of the changes I'll promise to make for 2014, then inevitably break the resolutions and start over.  No, this is just a few of my ramblings and thoughts on life in general. 
   Since I haven't blogged in a while, and I'm still eating Christmas candy on Jan. 3rd, I figured I'd let you in on our Christmas tree story.  

  My husband, Adam, has been pushing me for years to get a real Christmas tree.  He couldn't understand how I was so consumed with everything about Christmas, but wasn't willing to get a real tree. He underestimated my hatred for sap, pine needles and of course, my allergies to all things outdoors.
  
  I also had a bad experience with a Christmas tree in high school.  Here is how my mother remembers it:

   Mom: Do you remember the time Cocoa (our 20lbs Siamese cat) got up the Christmas tree and knocked it over? That was so funny!
   Me:  Remember?! The tree fell on top of me and glass balls shattered all around me.  Of course I remember!  pfft. You and Dad had to lift the tree off of me and tie it to the wall to keep it from falling again.

   I reluctantly agreed since we live in a new house this year that we could attempt to get a real live tree, but that he had to clean up the needles and if the dog peed on it, we'd never get one again.  I suggested we sign up to get one from our church and have it delivered to our home - no scratches on the car and voila the hard part is done for you! Adam wanted to pick his own tree out. 
   We ended up going the weekend after Thanksgiving to pick out our tree.  I imagined a cute tradition we could continue for years to come! We'd get a tree from the same place each year!  The first place we went was to Lowes to get a tree stand for said tree.  They had none.  In fact, they didn't even have white indoor Christmas lights.  Fail. 
     This took us to a local plant place.  (Plant place?! Clearly this isn't my forte and the last time I did "landscaping" was when my dad offered me a crisp dollar bill to help pick up pine cones when I was 8 years old.) I went along with it anyway.  They had enormous 10+ ft. trees! They were beautiful! I instantly started talking to one like we were going to be taking it home.  I have no concept of how large things are from outside to inside.  While we do have a high ceiling and could technically have fit a 10ft tree in our house, the base around it would be so large that either our crazy dogs would knock  it down or we'd have to seriously rearrange some furniture, but Adam was willing to get it just so we could have a real tree.  Alas, the plant place had no tree stands either.
   At this point, we're feeling a little defeated.  We know the next place we'll have to go to get a tree stand, lights and a tree.  I contemplate just using our ten year old 6ft pre-lit artificial tree that has an entire strand that is out and is falling apart.  Adam refused, NO! We are getting a real tree.  So, we head to Wal-mart. 
 
  Much like running, every few years I'll attempt a trip to Wal-mart and remember, ten minutes in, "Oh, right. No." Wal-mart is never a good idea.  NEVER.  Target yes, Wal-mart, no. Walmart 3 weeks before Christmas? We were crazy.  We managed to find a tree stand, but not one that could fit the beautiful $100 10ft tree I fell in love with at the plant place and on top of that, Wal-mart didn't have any indoor Christmas lights.  At this point, I said aloud, what Adam must have been thinking, "Can we just get an artificial tree?" Adam finally caved.  
    
   I found a pretty, trim, 9.5ft. pre-lit tree.  I ran over to it, trying to find it on the shelves.  There was a family speaking Spanish that wouldn't move out of the way to let me check the boxes. I took 5 years (cinco anos?)  of Espanol, but "get the f- out of the way" wasn't something they taught me in high school and "perdon" wasn't working.  There was no use, the tree wasn't on the shelves, it was beautiful, it was sparkly, it was... out of stock.  We called over an employee, who may or may not have been high at the time (and who can blame her, she's doing seasonal work at Wal-mart), who just kept saying, "no" to us.  Then I realized, WAIT! We can buy the one on display!!!!!!!!!!  GENIUS!   "No." I'm beginning at this point to remember why I hadn't been in a Wal-mart in two years.  

   FINALLY - we find a man in charge who not only tells us we can buy the "show tree", but we can have 10% off! YES, VICTORY!  Adam left me for a few minutes to go get something else at Wal-mart; I stayed with the tree.  30 minutes later, we were home, with our beautiful artificial tree, which we have named Boris.  

  

  
  Ta Da!  Now that Christmas is over and 2014 has begun, we out Boris away in the attic until next year.  I have a feeling he'll be with us for many more Christmas seasons to come!  And hopefully, we won't have to visit Wal-mart again any time soon.  

    Happy New Year everyone! I have a feeling 2014 is going to be amazing! 

 xoxo, 
  Becca