Naked Baby strikes again

Dear Neighbor,

I am truly concerned about your naked baby. I thought this was just a phase he was going through, so I've tolerated it, but it has been two years. I just walked outside after my dog was howling in defense over your 3 year old naked baby spraying him with a water hose. I have just a few suggestions for your toddler's exposed play time:

1. Please dress your naked baby. A shirt, some shoes, perhaps some pants would be appropriate when venturing outside.

2. Please teach your naked baby not to spray my dog with a water hose while he's washing your vehicle. Yes, you read that correctly, he's washing the car.

3. I'm also quite concerned that your naked baby is left unattended while playing with said water hose and car.

4. I'm sure you might need to be concerned that your naked baby is now sprawling up the side of your Chevy Impala, a la Tawny Kitaen. Naked Baby boy may have a budding career to model for Details magazine later on in life.

5. Naked baby has grown tired of just playing with the water hose and his make-shift slip-n-slide and has dutifully gotten on his mini Jeep, with hose and is riding around, virtually creating a rotating geyser in the yard.

6. You may also want to warn naked baby that if he sprays ME with the hose again, that spankings happen in the Jones house.

As I sit here, soaking wet from the direct hit I took from naked baby's water hose spray gun, I notice that you have made it outside in all of your white trash glory to tend to the little tyke. Your screaming at him really helps to uphold your classiness as a neighbor, the cigarette in one hand and coffee in the other, while you're still wearing your Spongebob Squarepants pj bottoms also helps.

So in conclusion, please dress your naked baby and keep him from harming himself and others with such devices as water hoses, automobiles, rocks, mini jeeps, grills, and porch furniture.

Thank you.

yours truly,
your disgusted neighbor